Us grievers desperately try to describe how broken our hearts are to folks who have never felt a heart shatter because we want to feel understood. There are dozens of metaphors about grief:
“Drowning in the middle of the ocean...”
“Crushed by a ton of bricks...”
“Having a massive, invisible wound on your leg...”
You get it.
We come up with metaphors to try and shed light on an aspect of grief and think, “Maybe if I tell a million stories highlighting a million different aspects of grief, someone who hasn’t grieved will finally get it.”
However, as many of us have already found out, until grief taps someone on the shoulder, there is an “X factor” that will keep the metaphor business open until the end of time.
So, should we stop using metaphors?
NO! Keep those metaphors coming. They are a fantastic way for us to relate to the world around us and share a story only we can tell.
It’s healthy to try and communicate how we are feeling. It’s healthy to let the people who are trying to help us into our brain. It’s healthy to take ownership of metaphors that resonate and say, “Eh, not so much” to the ones that don’t.
No metaphor is going to capture grief perfectly for you - and that’s ok. In all honesty, words shouldn’t be able to describe something only a heart can explain.
But that doesn’t mean we stop trying! Sometimes a metaphor will be completely relatable and we get the gift of feeling not so alone with our, well, feelings.
And if someone can’t quite grasp the metaphors you’re throwing down, that’s ok, too - we don’t want to wish anyone out of the wonderful state of not knowing deep grief.
Just remember that one day they will be tapped on the shoulder and you’ll be right there to help them and listen to what metaphors they all of a sudden understand.
GRIEF EXERCISE FOR THE DAY:
Finish this sentence: “After they died, it felt like______________________. And ___________________. And I finally understood what this metaphor meant when they said it would feel like __________________”
Here’s mine I came up with just now thinking about the loss of my grandpa and how that first Christmas was so hard: “Grief is like someone turning the volume down at a fun school dance.”
See? It clearly doesn’t capture all of grief and perhaps that didn’t speak to you at all. But here’s the great news - there are no wrong answers!
So if you’re feeling a little extra brave today, let someone (could be me!) know the wonderful metaphor(s) you came up with.
Much love,
Miki
